you essay is awesome, Olia. The texts in your essay are not in the same size (Francisco Jimenez), you can do better by fixing it. I like your last sentence, " So next time someone says that money isn't importait; remember that that's a lie". You express your idea so strong in your last sentence, I like it!!!
I LOVE YOUR HOOK AND ENDING! Its super expressive andd i LOVE it. i don't know anything to dislikee. i think they all run smoothly & make perfect sense. GREAT JOB:]
I like your intro and ending But I'm not 100% agree with you that "it has negatively affected people by causing extreme greed and allowing slavery and poverty", like what they said on the movies, "It's the dark side of the American Dream" so I think there had been a bright side of it. and your evidences and analysis was good.
Hmm.. now that I think about,the hook pretty much relates to a lot people in the world. The ending too is really good, and I agree with most the stuff you said. keep up the great work.
you essay is awesome, Olia. The texts in your essay are not in the same size (Francisco Jimenez), you can do better by fixing it. I like your last sentence, " So next time someone says that money isn't importait; remember that that's a lie". You express your idea so strong in your last sentence, I like it!!!
ReplyDeleteI LOVE YOUR HOOK AND ENDING!
ReplyDeleteIts super expressive andd i LOVE it.
i don't know anything to dislikee.
i think they all run smoothly & make perfect sense.
GREAT JOB:]
I love how you relate to yourself in the hook and yes money is very important. Adding a quote from the text The Circuit will make it better :-)
ReplyDeleteI like your intro and ending
ReplyDeleteBut I'm not 100% agree with you that "it has negatively affected people by causing extreme greed and allowing slavery and poverty", like what they said on the movies, "It's the dark side of the American Dream" so I think there had been a bright side of it. and your evidences and analysis was good.
Hmm.. now that I think about,the hook pretty much relates to a lot people in the world. The ending too is really good, and I agree with most the stuff you said. keep up the great work.
ReplyDelete